3:33 AM, 30 Mar 2023

3:33 AM is too early to feel bad about myself
but it's possible
It's hard to touch something and not break it
or hurt it
sometimes, it would be better without our senses
filled with a disciplined mind 
that converts everything to numbers
I have forgotten how kind your face is
then yesterday, when you sat in the kitchen
and you did not see me
I watched you, your face was ruby, and you cried
your eyeglasses were on the table
and you stared through the window
carefully, I slipped out of the flat
I went down to street 
I wanted to smoke a cigarette
and walk around where we had lived for the last four months
and when I came back, you still were in the same place
You smiled at me
I stepped behind you
and began gently massaging your tiny shoulders
you stroked my hand
we gazed at our reflections in the dark kitchen window
I saw that we had made a mistake
when we decided not to have children
this is something
that will pain
until my last breathing