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Thursday, 16 February 2023

The self-motivation technique of loneliness

I went to the pub yesterday;
I did not feel like drinking,
I never do;
The reason I was there is always the same,
I watch people;
I was sitting on a terrace, reading something and watching them,
I hate the taste of alcohol, so I drank only beer,
I hate the daily news, so I read scientific publications,
I hate people, so I just watch them,
That was a joke; I do not hate them.
That's a joke, of course.
I just hate myself.
Yesterday I was in a pub,
Somewhere in Pest,
I was drinking a pint of a stout,
and reading;
at the table behind me sat a small group of young people;
they were talking in French;
one of them was drunk and drumming on the table;
they were laughing all the time,
I know that kind of laughter,
When people just laugh because they are bored,
And they think if they are not funny, that's bad,
All the other groups in the whole place were similar,
It was absurd,
People go out together, and they talk about shitty things,
They are constantly typing on their phone,
They have a rhythm; they sit,
they sip a little bit on their glass,
then they tap on their phone, tap, look, type a message,
after their internal time limit,
they realise it's time to say something,
so they look up from the phone,
they smile, laugh,
say something blah,
then they reach for the glass,
drink a little bit,
look back at the phone,
tap, type, and all the iterations are repeated.
They do not even talk about The Nothing,
Because nothing is as enjoyable as silence,
They talk about their problems,
But most of them just lie,
And play different kinds of Berne games,
It's like a group of wolves where roles have to be,
So they talk about what happened the last time they were drunk,
They talk about what they did in their company,
where they are going on holiday,
What others have said about others,
and so on, gossip, damn health problems,
where they lived,
how good or bad their flat was,
what they worked at,
and how much money they had.
Oh, my god. That's why I just watch them and never talk,
that's why I do not have friends.
Yes, I am bizarre and lonely.
Loneliness is one of the best societies.
That's why I never talk.
I had tried but always regretted it.

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