The hopes of hermit

I could sleep only for two hours;
I was anxious and nervous.
Losing everything is scary,
but losing everything again and
again and again is hard to describe.
No problem. No bruxism. No anger.
I smile at the blue sky and am happy with
my sleeping bags. Anxiety is normal
because my existence and my mind want to be safe,
and if they cannot be, they give me a shout:
"We are unhappy!" I get you, my dear consciousness.
I received your signals and can only
promise to avoid suicide or self-harm.
I am leaving this country, my job, and everything,
and I will try to rebuild something different.
I don't know yet where I will go.
That's all, no sarcasm, and yes, there are many fears,
I do not feel any self-centred sorrow;
no self-pity, no depression.
The only thing I feel is a disappointment.
Anyway.
I will try to achieve my childhood dream
and become a hermit. My laptop, clothes
and sleeping bag will be all my belongings.
I am worrying, yes. Since God does not exist,
I am weak, and I have nobody.
My only hope is the best of luck.