képek, betűk

When you think about human consciousness,
remember that what you are today
is the result of billions of years of change.
Our consciousness is chaos, our awareness is chaos;
the way we behave — our daily chain of lies —
is not the same as what is going on inside us;
we hide millions of thoughts and feelings.
We are hidden.
What many people call consciousness is social behaviour.
We are not that.
Our consciousness is a chaos, kind, mad, empathetic, perverse, filthy,
full of doubts, violent feelings, desires,
psychological and psychiatric illnesses.
Paralelly. 
What you see around you, the way people behave
around you and the way you yourself behave,
the way you sell yourself, the way you present yourself —
that is not your consciousness.
Your consciousness is that whole,
the many, many chaotic thoughts that only you can experience,
all those things that you do, and say, and
what you do not say, what you do not do,
the minute-by-minute paths of awareness,
the result of many billions of years of evolution,
from the primitive stirrings of the very first single-celled beings,
through the terror of mammals to human love,
the things learned, the injuries of childhood,
the fears, the joys — all of it together.
Human consciousness and awareness, what you are,
what only you know about yourself — that is a far
greater chaos, a labyrinth, and what you finally show,
and this, this show,
that is only conformity
to the filter of the culture of the age you live in,
so as to avoid the madhouse, punishment,
ridicule or exclusion. I think of myself
as if I had gone mad —
I do not let the many treasures vanish
the way others do. Because all that
we conceal all that we lie about: that is, in fact
the one we truly are. A primal chaos,
an unfathomable, constantly changing mind,
which, if it conforms to the age it lives in,
loses itself and becomes one among the many sad,
ordinary beings that deny their own chaos:
And that is, somewhere, deeply sad.
..but somewhere it is reassuring too,
because if we did not lie about ourselves,
if we did not filter ourselves,
nothing would exist, would we be like this...
as we are today? I do not know.
I have no idea what the difference would be...